Roy's Big Mistake  Riza's Bad Day?
by RavenKane
Summary: Why is it like this? The Colonel thought, lazily clicking his pen. It's a monthly thing…the horror unleashed by…her. I wonder what's wrong…  1st Failfiction


_Why is it like this?_ The Colonel thought, lazily clicking his pen. _It's a monthly thing…the horror unleashed by…her. I wonder what's wrong…_

He glanced up, looking around. The room was stagnant, unmoving, and silent, most of all. Everyone was working quickly, as if propelled by an unknown force, even the Colonel found paperwork in the 'Completed' drawer of his desk; the one that was usually coated with dust or cobwebs.

The Colonel was about to say something, _Why not escape from this hell-hole? We should run…flee…while the beast is away…_

Everyone at the table in front of his desk shifted uncomfortably…_What if she were to walk in and see them…not working? She would be even more angry if they were all gone…maybe he could convince Fuery to talk to her…. _It wasn't worth the risk. _Escaping would only make things worse, but…why not sacrifice Fuery to the mighty, powerful, and slightly scary Riza? He's young, and nice…maybe she would end his life quickly. Hell, maybe she'd show mercy._

It was peculiar, to say the least…and Roy slowly started to realize that a pattern of her rage was taking place. Monthly, it seemed, the Lieutenant was in a rather…foul mood, to say the least. This was different, however. This time she seemed…monstrous. Hellish. Demonic.

Roy Mustang quickly snatched a piece of paper off of his desk, scribbled something down, and looked around frantically, just in case…she…was watching from the shadows. He couldn't bear to endure her wrath any longer than he already had to; on look from her, and the largest monsters of Briggs would be on their knees, begging for mercy.

After finally determining that she wasn't in sight, the Colonel looked at a sandy-blonde haired man sitting the closest to him. "Hey…Havoc…catch," he whispered quietly.

That was it. As soon as the newly-formed paper ball left his hand, the door flew open.

Havoc froze.

Roy froze.

Everyone froze.

No one breathed.

The paper ball landed on the floor, and half-bounced, half-rolled towards the door, where the beast herself stood. Slowly, letting her blond bangs fall over her eyes, she bent down and picked up the note, unfolded it, and read it. It was so quiet, it sent chills down the Colonel's spine.

She quickly snapped her attention to the Colonel, her frozen gaze causing the Colonel to sweat bullets. "What is this?" She snapped. She read the words out loud on the sheet of paper… "**She has ANGRY RIZA SYNDROME. **What does that mean! What is this picture of a dinosaur destroying a city have to…" she froze, midsentence, everything suddenly becoming clear to her.

_Her voice…it's…deadly….like toxic….bad…_ "Uhh…." The Colonel tried to search for the right words. "Well…it's just…you've been a little….vicious…lately, haven't you?"

"Get out everyone, now." Riza hissed, causing everyone, except for the Colonel, that is, to exit the room immediately, as if it were on fire.

"WHAT THE HELL?" She screamed, as soon as the door closed behind Fuery. "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!"

"I…I just was thinking about…well…"

"SAY IT." She challenged, loudly.

"You're acting like you…I don't know…you're angry."

"ANGRY? ANGRY?" She screamed, grabbing at a chair. "WHY WOULD I BE ANGRY?"

"You just are, Riza! I don't know? Did you have a bad night last night?" Roy said, slowly backing into the corner of the room, attempting to avoid the crazed woman. "I'm sorry I asked!"

"NOT YET." She slowly inched closer to him, as a snake would before striking. "YOU'RE NOT SORRY YET."

"You're just acting weird! Stop it! You're scaring me!" Out of all the death and horrifying sights he had seen in Ishval…that was nothing compared to the fury of this particular woman. _Luckily, she hasn't reached for her gun…_

"Weird?" She smiled, sweetly, reaching for her guns. "How so?"

_I'll have to handle this situation carefully…_Roy paused.

"HOW SO?"

"You're acting like a freaking raving maniac that wants to go around punching babies and spitting on puppies! You're snapping at everyone like you're a freaking turtle, and being a slave driver even more than normal! Now, you're cornering me with a chair and you've got guns in your hands! This is NOT healthy! Did someone eat all of the Fig Newtons this morning? It's not MY fault YOU didn't get any! Give it a REST. I'll buy you some more!"

"Fig Newtons?"

There was a long silence. _Maybe that was a little…too….over-the-top._

_**BANG. CRASH. BOOM. **_

"EEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

_**BANG. BANG. BANG. Click. BANG. BANG. BANG.**_

"What's going on in there, Falman?" Havoc asked, leaning over to press his ear to the door. The scene was all too familiar, the lower ranking officers getting kicked out of the office for some 'Roy-Riza' alone time, much to his disgust.

"It doesn't sound good," Fuery mumbled, quivering. "I'm scared."

Breda put his hand on his subordinate's shoulder. "It'll be ok. Be strong, little guy."

Fuery nodded, before Havoc started. "What the hell was he thinking? We had better not get in trouble for this."

As Havoc started his long rant about how everything **had **been the Colonel's fault, the door slowly creaked open; out walked Riza, a small…smile?...of pure malice spread across her face.

She exited quickly, paying no attention to the men huddled outside of the door. As she turned around the corner father down the hall, the men ran into the room where they had last seen their fearless leader.

"Colonel?" Havoc inquired.

"Here," a weak voice mumbled out from under the desk. Havoc quickly rushed over to the desk, as Fuery pointed at the wall.

"Those bullet holes…they form a frowny-face…" He noted, still shaking slightly.

As Havoc pulled back the Colonel's chair, a man was revealed hiding under the desk. His hair was messed up, his shirt was torn, and he was missing his left shoe.

"What happened, Mustang?"

The man, once a fearless alchemist that had fought in Ishval had been reduced to nothing more than a quivering puddle, a shadow of what he once was. "The…horror…" he muttered, dazed and confused.

"What happened?" Falman asked quickly, as Breda and Fuery were still occupied with the unhappy face on the wall.

"She…I should have realized it sooner…monthly….anger, no…pure rage…think about it, men!" He growled. "The horror of a woman…facing her fury, I am lucky to have survived," he mumbled dramatically, slowly pulling himself up to a sitting position on the chair.

"Eehhh….." Falman agreed, finally realizing the situation.

"PMS."

Every month following, Riza took two days off, to try to prevent her rage confined at her house. Every month following, Roy decided it would be best not to ask where she was for those two days. Eveary month following, neither of them spoke about the incidents that had occurred; Roy was only a little bit more weary of his first Lieutenant.


End file.
